Here’s a question to get you thinking on an otherwise ordinary Wednesday. Would you pay cash, your actual hard earned dollars, for a permanent all-day wedgie? And by wedgie, I mean a wedgie?…
…Last week while I was perusing ShopStyle for a pair of denim shorts to link to a post I happened upon an item of clothing that actually motivated me to do some research; Wedgie Shorts. Upon embarking on said research I come to find out that apparently I missed the boat earlier in the year. Levis actually has a “Wedgie” line including shorts and jeans. You know, just in case you enjoy your wedgies provided through a variety of methods. Kylie Jenner apparently blew up Instagram with a butt shot while sporting a pair earlier in 2016 and shortly thereafter Levis sold out of their Wedgie Jeans.
According to Levis, these jeans/shorts are meant to “showcase your best assets”. If showcasing my best assets include a seam of denim firmly lodged between my cheeks all day long then no thank you very much. Seriously, few things in life are more annoying than a wedgie. So why on God’s earth would I pay for the torture? If you are a proud owner of a pair of these jeans, no judgement here. As a matter of fact, kudos to you. In my opinion it would take exceptional fortitude and dedication to power through that particular kind of discomfort for an entire day. But for me, wedgie jeans would be akin to wearing a bra with teeth.
To further expand on my denim education, I figured I’d read some reviews. These jeans are actually styled after the high rise super model type Levis 501’s circa the 1990’s. And if you recall, Cindy Crawford and her pals did look mighty fine in their jeans back in the day. Anyhow, fashion editors and magazines of course lauded these jeans as if they were the next coming of the messiah. So that led me to search for blogger reviews, you know, real people like us.
Here is what I discovered. Apparently, by all accounts these jeans are a miracle; they pretty much make any ass look fabulous. But here is the catch…one blogger indicated that basically the entire day her va-jay-jay was “on fire”. Ya, girl parts feeling like they’re on fire…not really ever a good thing. Another blogger reported that her ass looked incredible (in all caps btw), but her vagina hurt, like a lot. Again, not exactly something I look for when shopping for clothing.
That’s not to say I’m not willing to suffer a little bit for style. By the end of a workday, heels often will cause raging pain in my right foot, yet I still wear them. The two pairs of sequin pants I own? Fabulous, but freakin’ uncomfortable; they are bulky, and I have found the occasional scratch on my leg caused by a wayward sequin. But every once in awhile I bust ’em out and wear them anyway. But a wad of denim firmly ensconced in my nether regions? Nope. A girl’s gotta draw the line somewhere.
Here it is…the outfit I wore to the Pittsburgh Style Awards. When I posted a snippet of it on Instagram I had some requests for a full post, but alas, I had some other post obligations to fulfill before I could get to this one. I had picked up this cream button up tunic on major sale back in June. It is still crazy marked down, but it’s currently only available in a small. I’m wearing a medium, but I have really broad shoulders, and, well, the girls to take into consideration. With that being said, a small would have probably worked because the fit is really forgiving.
I decided back in June that this was what I would wear to the awards. I tried it on and it was perfection. Buuut, I only checked the front view in the bathroom mirror and didn’t notice how high cut the sides were. I put it on shortly before I was leaving for Pittsburgh and whoa! Holy super high cut sides Batman. After a panicked 15 seconds or so, I thought, “Skirt extender…duh!” It’s not like I’m not often extolling the virtues of the skirt extender, right?
I kept the palette simple with the cream button up tunic and the black clutch, but I needed the obligatory pop of color. Enter the often worn floral print sandals and Ettika beaded chokers. I have to say, for a bright print sandal I have gotten miles of wear out of these gems. They are comfortable, look good with just about everything and are an easy way to add a bit of pretty to an outfit.
When planning an outfit ahead of time, particularly for a major event, check it out from all angles. Something might look outrageously fabulous on the hanger (or from the front), but may be on the verge of a major wardrobe malfunction from a different perspective.
THE LINK UPS
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