Lace Up Hoodie & Nude Pumps: Trust Issues

Teal lace up hoodie, black slouchy pants and denim jacket. How to do dressy casual.

Today’s post was originally going to be about my thoughts on the the “controversy” surrounding the gay character in the live action version of Beauty And The Beast (I’m sure you all can figure out what side of that I fall on), but that topic got bumped to another day because of something that happened in real life on Monday…

THE STORY

…I often say that I’m not a fan of people. That in and of itself isn’t exactly accurate. It’s not that I don’t like people, it’s that I don’t trust people. If I allow someone into my inner circle they have been seriously vetted; they have to prove themselves. No, that does not make me arrogant. Or bitchy. Or psychotic. That makes me selective. And self-protective. When one is raised by people who in no uncertain terms, cannot be trusted to not hurt you, one learns a plethora of protective devices to shield oneself from harm.

Until I was in my late 20’s I was quite the opposite; I allowed everyone in. It was like an over-correction to my distrust of people. I wanted to trust everyone. I wanted to believe everyone was inherently good. I wanted to believe that the people from which I came were the exception, not the rule. You can all guess how that worked out. I was crushed, beaten and bruised (metaphorically speaking) on a regular basis by acquaintances, coworkers and individuals who were posing as friends. Hence my rather strenuous vetting process.

I can and will chat up strangers out in the world…in line at the grocery store, at the mall, in the waiting room at the doctor. But if a stranger enters my realm, in the case of this story, my classroom, my natural reaction is to be cold and distant. Why the difference in reaction? Out in the world is neutral territory. It’s safe to be friendlier. If it doesn’t work out, who cares? It’s a brief interaction that will have no bearing on my life. But within my direct environment, whether it be my classroom, my home, or my social circle the ramifications of interactions can be major.

Therefore, it takes me quite some time to warm up to someone. Monday I had testing to do in the morning and therefore there was a sub to cover my classes. In a situation such as this, I have zero desire or need for idle chit chat. Upon my arrival I simply told her that she would be filling in for me just for the morning and then went about my business of getting ready for the day. When I left the room to do the testing, I told her the lesson plans and work she would need for the kids was on the desk. That was that. Was I friendly? Not particularly. I wasn’t there to make a new friend. Did I give one more thought to whether or not she liked me? Nope. I had a job to do and so did she; no more, no less.

Does this make me a bitch? No it does not. My behavior, right or wrong, (and please, do not presume to judge me) is an integral part of who my life experiences have made me. I could not and would not change it if I could. It has served me well and saved me countless heartaches over the years. And I have to say that the circle of friends I have surrounded myself with as a result of my self-protective behavior are a high quality group of women whom I would trust with my life.

Which leads me to what happened next. After I left the room, this woman proceeded to make a wildly inappropriate comment TO MY STUDENTS about her thoughts on me and my classroom. I’m not playin’ friends, that really happened. But wait…the fun isn’t over. At the end of the morning when she was done in my room, she then went elsewhere in the building and told one of my coworkers that I am a bitch; within earshot of kids. Remember the time I went after my blog troll?

Ya, well, real life trolls get the same treatment. I tracked her down. And called her out. And do you know what? A grown ass woman lied to my face. She claimed she never said a word about me which was unequivocally not true. Here’s the thing; do I care that this stranger thought I was a bitch? Nope, not one little bit. Everyone is entitled to their opinion. But do I care that she chose to vocalize her thoughts and spew her ugliness in my world? Absolutely.

The moral of this story is simple. If you encounter someone who is in your opinion, bitchy guarded, you have two choices. If you’re up to the challenge, attempt to get to know them better. If you’re not interested, then simply walk away. Do not take your nasty, and perhaps entirely mistaken opinion and throw it out into the world because you never know when karma is going to come a callin’.

THE OUTFIT

This is the teal version of the gray lace up hoodie I wore last week. It’s soft, lightweight and the perfect piece to layer now and then take you right into Summer. This was a pre-snowstorm day when all that was required for warmth was my long denim jacket which was the perfect topper to go with the cute casual vibe of the outfit.

I chose the nude pumps instead of black pumps or boots because, well, why not? Black would have been the easy choice, so nude it was. In my opinion they throw things off a little in just the right way.

THE TIP

Consider adding something to an outfit that throws it off just a bit. Doing that gives a little hit of visual interest that you might have been missing otherwise.

THE LINK UPS

Check out the weekly link ups I participate in for even more fashion and style ideas…

Teal lace up hoodie, black slouchy pants and denim jacket. How to do dressy casual.Teal lace up hoodie, black slouchy pants and denim jacket. How to do dressy casual. Teal lace up hoodie, black slouchy pants and denim jacket. How to do dressy casual.Teal lace up hoodie, black slouchy pants and denim jacket. How to do dressy casual. Teal lace up hoodie, black slouchy pants and denim jacket. How to do dressy casual.Teal lace up hoodie, black slouchy pants and denim jacket. How to do dressy casual. Teal lace up hoodie, black slouchy pants and denim jacket. How to do dressy casual.Teal lace up hoodie, black slouchy pants and denim jacket. How to do dressy casual. Teal lace up hoodie, black slouchy pants and denim jacket. How to do dressy casual.

Hoodie: Target;  Pants: JCPenney (Similar);  Jacket: GAP;  Shoes: Qupid (Similar)

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11 Comments

  1. 03.15.2017 / 3:21 am

    Wow! Never thought we were so much a like! Sounds just like me! But I have also pushed away some good people. And I feel sorry for that, but I did that to ,, protect,, myself. So they couldn t hurt me. Does that make sence!
    But what an awfull woman! And your students are children right? Didn t your coworker say something to her that it is not appropiate ?
    Your looks are stunning! I think she might just be jealouse of you!
    Nancy Baten recently posted…THE BAD BUY BOOK SITTING SHOES!My Profile

  2. 03.15.2017 / 7:34 am

    People can be such jerks! Ive always been very extroverted but since I turned 40 I’ve got no time for the people drama that some folks still have. In other news! I love this outfit!!
    Jaymie
    Jaymie Ashcraft recently posted…Pink and GrayMy Profile

  3. 03.15.2017 / 9:18 am

    I can relate Debbie! I used to always strike up a conversation with people on the airplane, but then I decided why? I’ll never see them again, and I’d rather be quiet for the trip! So I’m sure I could be considered rude, etc..
    But that woman is totally inappropriate. It just causes me to scratch my head and burrow down in my rabbit hole even more!
    jodie
    http://www.jtouchofstyle.com
    Jodie filogomo recently posted…Layering Your White Blouse Under a Sleeveless ShirtMy Profile

  4. 03.15.2017 / 12:31 pm

    I have spent most of my life being the one people called “aloof”, “bitchy”, “stuck up” because I am shy. I have never been one who could make conversation easily and when I was younger preferred to have one close friend over many. I’ve grown some and while it is easier to talk to people, I still find that my “aloofness” is misunderstood, even by my own family. I’m glad you confronted this woman and I am also sure your class knew better than to believe any bad comments she made about you! Thanks for sharing your struggle and for being the brave one to not let the day go by without setting things straight! You look great. I love that teal color on you and the nude pumps really complete the look! Thanks for sharing, Debbie! – Amy
    http://stylingrannymama.com/

  5. 03.16.2017 / 8:39 am

    Sorry that happened to you. What immature thing for her to do, talk to kids about you? Then to coworkers. Just wow. People never cease to amaze me. Never. I love that green sweater on you!

  6. 03.16.2017 / 9:20 pm

    Whew. What a sad story. People shouldn’t behave this way, especially in the workplace. You did the right thing to confront her. I’m sorry you had to endure this.

    I used to trust people but they’ve taught me many times that my faith in them was misplaced. Now I have less expectations, especially when it comes to people understanding — or even being willing to learn — about my particular situation.
    Shybiker recently posted…What’s On Your Clothesline?My Profile

  7. 03.16.2017 / 9:35 pm

    The older I get the less I trust and the more disappointed I become in others. I have zero tolerance for liars and being around people who are two faced makes me sick. My inner circle is getting smaller and smaller, maybe that’s wisdom, not sure.
    Kellyann recently posted…Harper Take 2My Profile

  8. 03.21.2017 / 10:16 am

    Oh wow Debbie, great writing. I am picturing your day. I can see why you don’t trust people. I am the same, I let too many people be in my circle who were just plain nasty behind my back. I bet it felt good to confront her. If you didn’t you would have spent time wishing you had. Great look. I am looking forward to getting my denim jacket back out now the weather is warming up. Thanks for sharing at Creative Mondays.
    clairejustine recently posted…#ThankGoodness Challenge With Dolmio and Britmums.My Profile

  9. 03.21.2017 / 4:29 pm

    I woulda knocked that B to the floor! Well, maybe in my mind. But still. Jeez. WTH is WRONG with people?? KEEP YOUR TRAP SHUT!

    Ugh.

    Bettye

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