I realize that Mother’s Day has come and gone, but since it was only yesterday I’m still feeling a bit contemplative…
…Last week I did a post on the unique relationship between my daughter and I, but Mother’s Day always gets me thinking about my own mom. I often kind of feel like the odd woman out when people talk about the plans they have with their moms for Mother’s Day. My mom passed away when I was 17 years old so Mother’s Day is one of those bittersweet days of the year for me. I enjoy seeing or at least talking to my own kids, but I always miss my own mom just a little bit more on that day in light of the fact everyone else is celebrating their mothers. I absolutely confess to just a little bit of jealousy; it may not be pretty, but it is what it is.
We had a rather upside down relationship, my mom and I did. It was often the case that I was the adult and she was the child. She had me just three weeks past her 17th birthday so when I was a kid she was still just a kid herself. The situation was made more difficult due to the fact she had developed diabetes during her pregnancy with me and it developed into permanent Type 2 diabetes. It was uncontrolled and she didn’t take the best care of herself so she was in and out of the hospital frequently. After my dad left when I was in the fourth grade, taking care of her became my full-time responsibility.
Don’t get me wrong; I’m not complaining. I loved~and still love~ my mother more than I can express, the thing is though, that was an awful damn lot of responsibility for a child. Believe me, I grew up fast. I slept in bed with her every single night when she wasn’t in the hospital. It was a rare night that she didn’t go into diabetic shock, and if I was in bed with her I would be able to feel the sweating or the seizures so that I could try to get sugar down her throat to stop it; I have to say, the invention of glucose gel was one of the best things ever. Unfortunately, the older I got, the angrier I got. Being a teenager sucks on a good day, but throw all of that crazy into the mix and I was one angry young girl. One of my major regrets in life is how I treated her and the things I said. I know, a lot of people regret how they acted as a kid and the resulting pain it caused their parents, but since I lost her so young I never had the opportunity to make things right.
Here’s the thing though, I’ve mentioned before that my childhood made me into the person I am today. Well, so did my mom. Even though I only had 17 years with her, those 17 years shaped me in more ways than I can count. To this day, I still feel her with me. I can’t remember the sound of her voice or the smell of her skin, but yet what made her her, is part of me. I’d give just about anything to have her here with me, but losing her took me in directions I would have never gone otherwise. I owe where I am today to her. She loved me with every fiber of her being. She did the best she could with what she had. And isn’t that really all any of us can do?
How’s this for some color? It don’t get much brighter than this my friends. I love a good floral print and this floral pencil skirt is one of my favorites; the colors, the variety of flowers and the almost water color vibe make it perfect. Instead of letting the kimono hang like usual I decided to knot it and give it a slightly different look. The graphic tee? That’s just me being me. I had to throw in something that took the outfit out of total girly-girl territory into something slightly off. That also explains the black choker and peep toe cage ankle boots. I’ll save the pumps and pearls for my shredded boyfriend jeans…
Be brave. Throw in an element of the unexpected in your outfits. It’s always fun to keep people guessing.
THE LINK UPS
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